Jay Leno presents: Spring Training Headlines
Posted on March 1, 2008
Filed Under MLB, Spring Training | Leave a Comment
Unintentional humor is always the best kind, so here are a series of headlines I’ve seen from around the Web this spring that brought a chuckle and raised some serious doubts about these teams’ pennant hopes.
Headline: Yanks Aim for Giambi to Return to First
Comment: In related news, the Suns are hoping for Shaq’s free-throw shooting to come around for the playoffs.
Headline: Mets Unveil Their Own Health Plan: Keep Alou on the Field
Comment: Endy Chavez, be ready to play.
Headline: McLaren wants Ichiro to run this season … Manager thinks his center fielder could approach 80 steals
Comment: As the USS Mariner has pointed out, the difference between Ichiro stealing 75 bags or 80 bags or 85 bags isn’t going to have much correlation to how the team does this season. And if Ichiro gets caught stealing more often because he’s running more, then he’s only hurting the ballclub. Whatever may be wrong with the Mariners this season, it’s not Ichiro. How about asking Richie Sexson to bat higher than .205?
More Mariners …
Headline: What a switch: fan Batista meets his idol Kenny G
Comment: Eh, I’m more of a Chuck Mangione guy myself.
It looks like the Royals manager also has his priorities in the wrong order …
Headline: Royals hope small-ball brings U-turn
Comment: When you have nothing nice to write about a team, just default to the “small-ball” and “little things” talk until you’ve filled your column space for that day. If K.C. really wanted to play “small-ball,” then why did it sign Jose Guillen, who hasn’t laid down a successful sacrifice since 2005? (No, really.) The Royals are the same club that are considering batting Ross Gload third in the lineup.
From the Life Without Bonds category …
Headline: Giants oufield to cover more ground
Comment: That’s one way of looking at things. This could also have been written to say, “Giants outfield to produce fewer runs.”
Headline: Giants ready for a fresh start this spring
Comment: Gotta love “Fresh start.” It’s code for “Yep, this team still sucks.”
Here’s one from the “We got nothing else to talk about” dept.
Headline: Marlins fans have plenty to look for … Promotional schedule features 44 giveaways, 13 concerts
Comment: It takes a lot to get Miami folks to leave their air conditioning in the summer. Not sure this is gonna do it.
The moribund Pittsburgh Pirates get their own section here …
Headline: Bucs ink Kim to one-year deal
Comment: Yikes.
Headline: Pirates and Mientkiewicz agree to contract
Comment: I just threw up in my mouth.
Headline: Pirates notes: Team pride stressed
Comment: “Guys, when you are 20 games out in August, try not to fall asleep in the dugout.”
And finally, presented without comment …
Headline: Colon needs to drop a few
Comments
Leave a Reply